How To Be Masculine
Masculinity is in crisis.
The decline in alpha-male role models, the rise of extreme feminism, the furore surrounding ‘toxic masculinity’. It’s all stopping men from being men.
If you’ve fallen into the trap of our new polarised society, it could be bad news.
The core ingredients of masculinity are what help you achieve success in business, dating and life.
In the corporate world, people invest in leaders, go-getters, winners who are mentally and emotionally strong. Feminine women want these qualities in a partner too.
Here are six tips to help you retain your masculinity and succeed in all your endeavours.
The pursuit of freedom is an essential pillar of masculinity.
As David Deida writes in The Way Of The Superior Man: “The essential masculine ecstasy is the moment of release from constraint.”
The most obvious example of this is the male orgasm. A build-up of tension before the ultimate ‘release’.
Men go to war to fight for national freedom. They create businesses to fight for financial freedom, while escaping the constraints of a boss.
Even in sports, the team has to battle through obstacles to reach the ‘release’ of scoring points.
Do you hate being bossed around, either at work or in a relationship? That’s your masculinity talking.
It’s begging you to find the bravery to escape this situation.
Yet, few men even try. They’re afraid of failing in business or failing to attract a new woman…
So, they listen to another voice. The one that says to play it safe.
In doing so, they betray their masculinity.
It may feel more comfortable in the short-term, but it’ll ultimately be horrible.
You’ll be stuck with a job that drains you or a partner that demeans you. Plus, that voice demanding freedom doesn’t stop. It’s part of you. You’re biologically driven to listen to it.
Your job as a man is to jump into the unknown. Take risks. Develop new skills. Whatever it takes to obtain freedom…
You’re better off starting before you’re old and drained of energy.
A masculine being is supposed to enjoy the freedom of playing the field.
You’re biologically programmed to spread your seed as wide as possible. It’s your best strategy to successfully pass on genes. Masculine energy is repulsed by monogamy.
For women, it’s different. Their best chance of successfully raising a child is with a stable partner. Feminine energy demands they do this.
Women should be chasing monogamy, not men. That’s why neediness is commonly cited as a woman’s biggest turn-off. It’s inherently feminine.
Sure, there are advantages to settling down with the best woman you can find. The problem comes when you decide she’s your best option before you even know her. This repulses most women. Maybe now you understand why…
The best way to eliminate these needy feelings is to get better at seducing women.
Neediness stems from a lack of options. Once you experience the joy of successfully playing the field, it’ll be tougher to fall for one woman.
Ironically, this makes women keener to tie you down. She’d rather win over the masculine alpha-male, then settle for the beta-cuck who’s obsessed with her. That’s how biology works.
Ultimately, this approach allows you to choose a higher-class partner from a bigger pool of options.
To discover how I transformed my dating life by learning to truly enjoy singledom, check out my book The Thrill Of The Chase.
Alpha-males are born to take charge, make important decisions and protect their family.
These leadership skills transfer to social situations, perhaps by making plans for a trip or ensuring everyone else is having fun.
If this doesn’t come naturally to you, force yourself to try and take the lead.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but will get easier with practice. Before long, you’ll establish yourself as a born leader.
As a result, you’ll become a better boss, a better boyfriend, a better father.
An alpha-male doesn’t rely on others to create good emotions.
He creates his own party. He entertains himself and others around him, regardless of the external environment. He doesn’t need to wait for someone or something else to create the fun.
The latest generation of males find this tougher than ever. They’ve grown up with Netflix, smartphones and a culture of instant gratification. They never had to create their own fun, so they haven’t crafted that skill.
Alpha-males also remain emotionally stable in unfortunate circumstances. In times of controversy, they can still react logically and calmly solve the problem.
This skill is built in adversity. Something the latest generation of males may not have experienced.
They didn’t have national service. They didn’t have the Cold War. They weren’t beaten by their school teachers. This could explain why many younger men have grown up as snowflakes, who fall to pieces when the slightest thing goes wrong.
Any pursuit of freedom, whether financial or emotional, will teach you to self-generate emotions. In business, you need to learn to impress your customers, investors, shareholders etc. In modern dating, it’s the man who needs to impress the woman. In either field, you’ll experience adversity in the form of failure, rejection, drama and heartbreak.
You don’t need to be physically strong to be masculine, even if that makes it easier to protect your family and command respect from other men.
However, heavy lifting will help you develop a lot of the qualities associated with masculinity.
You’ll develop the mental strength to persist in spite of pain. You’ll learn to set goals and strive toward them in spite of obstacles. Your testosterone levels will shoot through the roof too.
Most alpha-males have a burning passion that drives them to work their ass off every day. Their purpose.
It’s not for anyone else to choose your purpose, but you’ll know it when you find it.
In The Way Of The Superior Man, David Deida suggests your purpose shouldn’t be another person.
He says: “A man’s highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it to be this way.”
Perhaps you haven’t discovered your purpose yet. That’s fine. Try a ton of new activities and see what resonates with you.
Purposelessly drifting through life is inherently unmasculine – and will ultimately leave you unfulfilled.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>