How To Feel Like You’re ‘Good Enough’
A major cause of approach anxiety is not feeling good enough to take up a woman’s time.
It’s all good when your friends tell you that you deserve a beautiful woman. Perhaps you complete affirmations or other self-esteem exercises to help you feel worthy of love – and maybe when you’re in a great mood you believe it!
Yet, if you’re not feeling it in the exact moment when that stunner strolls by, it all counts for nothing.
This guide gives you a long-term plan to help you feel good enough for a beautiful woman all the time.
How many times have you seen tiny children wave at strangers, effortlessly befriend other children or shout at their parents to share their opinion? Babies and toddlers are extremely comfortable with being the centre of attention in a way that most adults aren’t.
We were all born with an innate level of self-worth. We assumed we were valuable and worthy of love from anyone. Yet,that innate belief is eventually stripped from us, usually by family members, teachers or other kids. As we grow older, love and respect from these people typically becomes conditional.
If we’re not succeeding at school, acting appropriately in public or being humble about our self-worth, the praise we yearn for is often taken away. Instead, we are judged, isolated or punished.
Perhaps we begin to hear phrases like:
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t get too big for your boots!”
“Who do you think you are?”
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin, Amanda?”
These phrases often become more common than any form of praise and this systematically crushes our self-confidence. Anyways, fast forward to adulthood. You spot a hot blonde in tight yoga pants at the juice bar. You want to talk to her, but something is pulling you back. You can’t find the willpower to get it done. You don’t feel ‘good enough’. But why would you? You’ve been conditioned throughout adolescence to believe you’re really not that great of a person.
Still, it’s important to remember that feeling ‘good enough’ is the human default.
Feeling not ‘good enough’ comes as a result of being stuck in your thoughts.
If you can remain in the present moment, you eliminate all negative thoughts that don’t serve you.
So, instead of wondering whether you’re good enough to speak to a woman, go and do it.
Meditation is a fantastic practice to help you remain in the present moment and act on your desires, rather than hesitating.
“All men are created equal” is a key argument of Eastern philosophy. It also promotes the display of love and kindness to all humans.
Indeed, humans carry many of the same fears, hopes and desires.
Then, we all die. Death is the great equalizer.
With these beliefs instilled in us, it really is hard to feel ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than anyone else.
However you feel about a situation, others tend to feel. If you think you deserve to speak to someone, others tend to treat you that way. If you think what you have to say is awesome, others typically begin to feel the same.
Most guys have an inflated view of what it takes to be good enough for a woman.
They’re stuck in the mainstream belief that they need to be rich or good-looking to deserve a high-quality girlfriend.
It’s tough to blame them. After all, men are bombarded with this message by advertisers trying to flog high-end clothing, grooming products, supercars and whatever else.
What’s more, if you sit a woman down and ask her, she’ll logically agree that she’d like a wealthy handsome partner. Some may tell you they won’t settle for anything less. When they’re in this ‘logical’ state of mind, they may also tell you they’ll NEVER date short guys, bald guys, fuckboys etc.
Thankfully, emotions are far more powerful than logic. Humans make their the majority of their decisions based on emotions, and it has been proven that women are the more emotional sex.
If you can spike a woman’s emotions in the right way, you can have her hooked on you. She’ll want you over all the ‘logically’ more suitable guys. This is a key reason why ‘bad boys’ continue to win over ‘nice guys’. The ‘bad boys’ take her on an emotional roller-coaster, while the ‘nice guys’ take her on an emotional sleepwalk..
The pick-up industry was founded by guys who learned and taught men how to spike women’s emotions this way. These pick-up artists were self-proclaimed ‘nerds’ who didn’t feel they were ‘good enough’ for women. Alas, when using these techniques, they could enjoy a thriving sex life.
The problem with these PUAs and their students was that their self-esteem never improved. Even after hundreds of lays, they still never felt ‘good enough’. This is why the pick-up industry evolved to teach the principles that made routines work, rather than the exact lines to say.
These principles include:
These are the traits which spark women’s emotions. When you show these qualities, women will start to show you’re good enough for them. They’ll want to spend time with you, they’ll compliment you, they’ll swap contact details, they’ll show all the classic IOIs.
Anyone can display these qualities without fundamentally changing their personality. They’re the qualities of a well-adjusted man, whose self-esteem wasn’t ruined by criticism. It’s just some men have to re-learn them. We’ll call these qualities ‘good game’.
When women show these IOIs, this is clear evidence that you’re ‘good enough’. Use it to boost your self-belief.
If these qualities don’t come naturally, you may have to fake it at first. In this case, it’s normal that you mess up.
Perhaps a woman is initially really into you, but you don’t have the balls to escalate, so she loses interest and leaves. Maybe you get her out on a date, but you lose your swagger during that second meeting and it fizzles into nothing. During these moments, it might like you’re a big faker who still isn’t good enough for women. Even if you seal the deal, you may feel this way…
However, just like any skill, it feels more natural with practice. If you keep going out and practicing ‘good game’, it evolves from something you do into someone you are. And it won’t matter what you look like or how much money is in your bank account.
It’s perfectly normal to feel a little nervous or intimidated when you meet someone you believe to be higher status than you.
However, the more experienced you get with women, the less likely you are to see them as out of your league.
A great way to get around this is to straight-up admit it. If you can do that while continuing to show the ‘good game’ characteristics, the other person can laugh it off and end up respecting you more for your honesty.
When you get to know anyone better, it becomes more apparent that they too are only human.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>