10 Secret Ways That Online Dating Is Screwing Men Over
Online dating apps market themselves as a quick simple platform to find a romantic partner.
Perhaps you’ve tried them and found that this isn’t the case at all…
Rather than a world of beautiful women at their fingertips, most guys find online dating to be a huge waste of time.
Sure, there are ways to create a more attractive profile and secure more matches.
But the truth is: straight men are fighting a losing battle on the likes of Tinder, Hinge and Plenty of Fish.
Online dating is skewed against men in a number of ways, and many of them are kept secret by the dating companies themselves.
Below, we explore 10 ways that the odds are stacked against men on online dating apps.
This first fact might not surprise you.
In fact, official Tinder data confirms what most men already knew about online dating. Women are far pickier than men.
The fairer sex swipes right just 14% of the time. That’s one in every seven guys. Meanwhile, dudes swipe on almost every other girl (46%).
Even if you’re blessed with the appearance of a Greek God, you’re doomed not to match with most of the women you’re attracted to.
This is “Brian”. In 2015, the YouTube channel Whatever created a fake profile with this male model’s pictures, swiped right 1,000 times and only achieved a 27% match rate in 24 hours.
That’s not to say that 73% of women rejected this Adonis. In fact, most of them may not have even seen his profile (more on this later).
Still, the main point is: women on online dating apps are picky because they can afford to be.
Men outnumber women on Tinder by almost nine to one, while even “female-friendly” apps like Bumble have fewer than 20% of female users.
These men swipe right more often and initiate a conversation more often, leaving even the plainest women feeling like princesses who can have it all.
As if the virtual sausage-fest wasn’t enough, most online dating platforms place additional barriers that prevent women from even seeing your profile.
Let’s take Plenty of Fish, which forbids users from contacting people plus or minus 14 years their age. Meanwhile, 18 to 21 year-olds can only be contacted by those under 30.
Tinder is less tolerant of ageism, but still encourages users to set their own filters for the age of the users that show up on their feed.
Then, there’s the infamous Tinder algorithm, which supposedly only shows the top 20% most desirable male profiles to the top 50% of female users. That’s right…unless you’re among the most attractive Tinder users, you’ll be invisible to everyone but the dregs.
Let’s assume you do get seen and do get matched by a hottie. Now, you just have to hope your message stands out from the masses.
This is “Briana” – another fake profile created by Whatever? who matched with 701 of her 1,000 right swipes and was messaged 378 times in the first 24 hours. Needless to say, you’ll need to do a lot to stand out from the crowd.
The thousands and thousands of profiles she’s swiping dehumanises you.
After a while, every profile tends to blend into the next and it becomes easy to forget that there’s a human behind each of them.
That’s what makes her more likely to engage in behaviors she’d never dream of in real life, like ghosting or insulting you.
It’s also what encourages her to unmatch you, when even the slightest word is typed out of place.
Recent data suggests that 30% of Tinder users are married and a further 12% are in a relationship.
There are no stats to suggest how many of the remaining singletons are only using the app for an ego boost or to attract extra Instagram followers.
However, there is data detailing the shocking rise in women using online dating for ‘foody calls’ Apparently, one in four women have dated a man they weren’t attracted to just to get a free meal.
Some 43% of men have been catfished on online dating websites, but this survey only took into account cases of fake identities.
If you also take into account the amount of women using old pictures or altered images, this figure would skyrocket even further.
Some 53% of online daters lie on their profile, with women most likely to lie about their looks.
This lack of authenticity can make her more dubious about meeting you too. After all, women have more to worry about than their date being older or fatter than they appear. If they meet a fraud from an online dating website, their safety could be compromised. .
It’s no secret that online dating success is based almost exclusively on your photos, but that doesn’t play into the hands of most men.
Throughout history, men without a handsome face or chiselled abs were forced to use their personalities to win the hearts of the opposite sex.
But it’s difficult to do that online.
In real life, you can gain a woman’s attention with a bold, confident introduction using your voice and body language. You can win her over by remaining fun and charismatic in spite of her initial disinterest. You can spike her emotions using humor, teasing, physical flirting etc.
Sure, you can write an entertaining bio, but how many women are reading every man’s bio before they swipe?
Put simply, if you have a good personality, you’re watering it down and putting yourself at a disadvantage by using online dating.
Let’s imagine all the stars have aligned, you’ve jumped all the hurdles and managed to convince a woman to meet for a date. Low and behold, when she arrives, she even looks similar to her photos. Even then, there’s no guarantee you’ll have chemistry.
No matter how much time you spend messaging someone, chemistry can only be discovered when you meet face-to-face.
Maybe the ‘LOL’ comments won’t translate to real life laughs. Perhaps she’s one of these girls who has all of the chat behind a screen, yet is super-shy in the flesh.
When your first encounter is online, you can only cross your fingers and hope for real-life chemistry on the first date.
Online dating apps aren’t secretive about their charges. In fact, they’re increasingly pushing them in our face, making their free versions so useless that men feel they have no choice but to pay.
When you remember that the likes of Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish are all businesses that will succeed the longer their users remain single, it starts to make sense why all these obstacles are thrown in men’s way.
Online dating can be horrendous for women too. For them, it’s mostly a cesspool of misogyny, disgusting comments and dick pics.
Truly high-quality women don’t need this in their lives. Perhaps you’ve managed to hook up with some plain Janes online, but how many truly breathtaking women are you dating?
Being single is supposed to be fun, exciting and adventurous. It’s meant to be the time when you’re taking risks, embracing spontaneity and enjoying your freedom.
So, while you’re staring into a screen, swiping, copy-and-pasting, waiting for a response…ask yourself: is it fun?
Cold-approaching women in real life might sound nerve-wracking, but it becomes easier the more you do it.
It’ll make you more confident, charming and charismatic throughout your everyday life. Perhaps most importantly, once you lose your ego and stop caring about rejections, you may learn that the chase itself can be enjoyable!
It’s certainly a lot more romantic then swiping her face on a smartphone screen. And it’s likely to be more fruitful for you too.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>