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Finally, it’s Friday night! All week, you’ve waited impatiently for another weekend of partying. You’ve been envisioning the ragers that will transpire, the drunken antics sure to take place, and the countless hotties with whom you could potentially “make sexy time,” as Borat would say.
The night has so much potential.
It’s about 6:30, and you decide that a few shots are the perfect way to start off the night. Next thing you know, it’s 8pm, and you just vomited all over a sexy mama on the dance floor.
The next day, you barely remember passing out by 8:30, and you definitely don’t remember when you got that mammoth penis drawn on your face.
Consuming excessive amounts of alcohol can be very exciting. “The nights you won’t remember with the people you’ll never forget” definitely holds true in certain circumstances, and it’s usually fun to hear about your forgotten antics from the previous evening.
However, I am of the humble opinion that your best nights in college will come when you pace yourself. When you are able to get fairly shitty and then cut yourself off, you will likely end up having a more fulfilling night.
Here are 5 reasons why getting too drunk can turn a night sour in a hurry.
1. You Vomit and Look Like a Jackass.
In college, guys and girls alike will often toss their cookies after getting too severely intoxicated. This is especially true when dealing with freshmen. Save yourself the embarrassment of publicly dousing an unsuspecting passerby with regurgitated Taco Bell.
2. You Miss Out on Hook-Ups.
Maybe some guys have had more success with women when blacked out than me, but in my experience, girls can very easily detect when a guy has had way too many. And it’s a turn-off. Whether you know it or not, blackout drunk people are sloppy. They slur words horribly. They fall down. Sometimes they can’t even be understood. This behavior all but murders your chances of taking a girl home for the evening.
3. You Lose/Break Shit.
Almost like clockwork, blackout drunk people tend to lose or break their phones, keys, wallets, and other accessories. At the time, it never seems like a big deal. However, when you wake up the next morning and have no clue what happened to your new Droid, it is a rather upsetting experience.
4. You Get Arrested.
When you’re very drunk but not blackout, you are able to retain enough composure to avoid appearing obviously shitfaced. When blackout, however, your appearance will typically scream, “I am absolutely sloshed right now!” Trust me when I say that getting arrested is never worth one crazy night.
5. You Get Hurt.
Just this week, one of my roommates blacked out and ended up toppling face first down a flight of concrete stairs. He was out for about ten minutes, and he felt like absolute shit the next morning. When you are blackout drunk, you’re almost completely oblivious to your surroundings. This leads to frequent injuries, some of which can be serious, even fatal.
The moral of the story is that blackout drunk people get into trouble. They fuck things up for themselves, and they usually piss off their friends and strangers alike. Save yourself the trouble and embarrassment. Get really fucking drunk, but cut yourself off before you reach the point of no return.
For some people, it can be difficult to know when the realms of blackout are approaching. This instinct comes with many nights of drinking. Start slowly if you’re an amateur. You are not going to be able to put down 15 beers if you’ve drank four times in your life. Drink an amount you know you can handle and give yourself a much better chance at having a great night.