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Question of the Week… brought to you by our friends over at Leftos.com:
Funny, this is a question that I’ve been asked quite a bit recently during my one on one coaching calls with various clients of mine. It seems everybody wants to score the bartender.
Before I give you some tips for doing it, I also want to acknowledge some of the downsides to going after a bartender. I am not giving you this “downside” as someone who is bitter because he never scored a bartender… I am giving you this advice as someone who worked in a bar for many years, slept with many of the bartenders I worked with, and saw on a daily basis how they responded to an interacted with their male customers.
Why You Want a Bartender
First of all, let’s realize exactly why we’re all so attracted to the bartenders. There are three main reasons guys tend to ALWAYS fall for the bartender:
1. She is in a position of power.
Bartending is a high value job (one of the reasons I recommend it as the best part time job for meeting girls) and the bartender commands the attention of everyone in the bar. For some reason, girls that you otherwise would have only found mildly attractive look ten times hotter behind the bar.
2. She is PAID to be nice to you.
Let’s admit it. A big part of the reason that we are so attracted to bartenders is because they show us a bit of attention in a bar. While most of the other women are doing their best to pretend we don’t exist, the bartenders are smiling at us, making small talk, and doing their best to keep us happy.
Even more powerful, is that on an unconscious level we know that she will not reject us horribly, and at the very least she will flirt with us a bit, and FEED our EGO.
3. Your Ego wants what everyone else wants.
Do you think you’re the only guy in the bar with a crush on the bartender? Hell no. In fact, I would wager to say that about 75% of the guys in the place have the same fantasy of scoring the bartender that you do. This sense of competition fuels the desire for her. It’s sort of like bidding on an Ebay auction. Just the mere fact that you know there are hundreds of other people who want the same thing as you makes you want it ten times more.
I am not trying to discourage anyone from going after the bartender, and I’m not saying it is impossible. It’s not. I’ve done it. And I know plenty of guys who have done it also. I’m just saying that it is not necessarily worth the effort it entails.
I just hate to see guys pining over a bartender when there is hundreds of woman more fun, more beautiful, and more obtainable surrounding them in a bar.
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Right on Bobby! I’ve worked in a few bars man and can testify to this. When you work in a bar, restaurant, you have the whole evening to amplify the attraction and tease them until it’s almost cruel! As for you theory, what you thinking?
Interesting. The other night I number-closed a bartender and have since had a couple dates with her. I wasn’t really thinking of her as a target, but she was cute and we had a lot in common, so it was pretty easy.
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Nice article Bobby. Some really great points here and some ideas I would’ve never considered. It’s also kinda cool to get the viewpoint of someone who’s worked at a bar before and seen this happen first hand. Glad you wrote about this too, it’s always been something that I’ve thought about.
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