How to Fix the 4 Biggest Attraction Mistakes

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When most guys decide they want to get better at picking up women and getting dates, they make a ton of rookie mistakes and hold a lot of misconceptions about what being attractive really means. Usually these kinks are painfully worked out over time, but as a short cut, here are 4 quick fixes to save you years of trial and error.

 

MISTAKE: Being Cocky.

FIX: Being Confident.

Sure, being cocky can yield limited success with women in certain social situations. If you’re at a nightclub and you’re a complete dick long enough, you might do okay.

But the problem with being a complete dick all the time is that nobody can stand to be around a complete dick all the time.

It’s also incredibly difficult to be cocky all the time, and the second you have a moment of vulnerability, women will see right through you and the façade will be shattered.

Instead, be confident.

What’s the difference between being confident and being cocky?

When you’re cocky, you have to constantly remind people that you’re cool. When you’re confident, everybody knows that you’re cool.

Confidence is an unbreakable, integrated part of your character. Unlike cockiness, it isn’t a false wall that you’re putting up between the world and you. It’s just who you are.

It’s easy to say and difficult to master, but it’s the foundation for greatness.

 

MISTAKE: Bragging.

FIX: Being interesting.

Bragging is bad. But what is it?

A brag is a completely unsolicited boast obviously used to inflate yourself.

It’s really difficult to not brag, because we know the pressure of getting a girl interested in us as quickly as possible.

Being interesting to women is what will get them obsessed with you. Our interesting, positive qualities are what make us unique. Unique is rare and rare is valuable. Women crave valuable.

So how do you get your really interesting qualities across without seeming like a total douche-brag (get it)?

They key is to not come right out with it. Women need to feel like they’ve uncovered this really interesting tidbit about you, which you were too modest to give up easy.

I’ll give you an example.

A few weeks ago, I got my first IMDB credit and all of my friends were saying,

“Dude, that will get you instantly laid.”

Being a man of science, I thought I’d experiment with my recent micro Internet fame.

So at the next party I went to, I almost instantly busted out my phone on the first girl I approached, “Hey check it out! I got an IMDB credit this week!”

Not only did I get the dreaded look of apathy, I ran out of steam after that initial opener and really had nowhere to go.

So I decided to switch things up. I went into my normal cold openers and when things came up naturally in conversation, I found myself going, “I’m in a really good mood tonight, I had a really good week!”

Her: “Why did you have a good week?”

Me: “I just got some good news.”

Her: “What was that?”

Me: “It’s kind of stupid, it’s not a big deal.”

Her: “Come on, tell me!”

Me: “I don’t know, I don’t want to brag, that’s so douchey.”

Note, I actually sited how lame bragging is as a way to come off as a little more modest.

Eventually, I revealed my IMDB credit, but not before building up a little anticipation and making it seem like she was twisting my arm for it.

Now you might be saying, “Great, but I don’t have an IMDB credit.”

Well, you should have at least one interesting hobby or passion. Whether you write, paint, travel, play music or whatever; have some interesting things to reveal about yourself.

 

MISTAKE: Looking like you’re trying too hard. 

FIX: Looking naturally good.

Why is it bad if girls think you’re trying really hard to sleep with them?

The female rationale looks something like this, “If he’s trying really hard, that must be because other girls don’t want to sleep with him, so there must be something wrong with him.”

What’s the fastest way you’ll be pegged as trying too hard before you even get a chance to open your mouth? Your wardrobe.

Now, that’s not to say you should walk into a bar or show up for your date in a sleeveless shirt, shorts and flip-flops. You don’t want to look like shit either.

So how do you walk the line between trashy and trying too hard?

It’s simple. Kill your going out clothes.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s that shirt and those shoes that you only ever wear when you go out. That’s your “get laid” outfit. Girls know it and it needs to die.

Yes, you always want to dress for your surroundings, but as a general rule of thumb, if you can’t wear it with a suit jacket or as casually as you would a t-shirt, it is not your friend.

Look good, dress up, peacock, but make your appearance look natural at the bar or on a date. And for the love of god, dress your age.

 

MISTAKE: Never establishing attraction.

FIX: Sexualizing the conversation.

What you’re about to read is arguably the best piece of advice for instantly revolutionizing your attraction ability.

Ready? Let girls know that you’re sexually interested in them.

This doesn’t mean to start opening with, “Hey! I want to have a sex with you!”

You don’t have to do it right away, but think of it like fruit, you want to pick it when it’s ripe and before it starts to rot.

So at some point, while you’re talking to a girl, cut the bullshit and say something along the lines of;

“Okay, that thing you did was unbelievably sexy.”

OR

“I can’t believe how much we have (or don’t have) in common, that means we would probably have amazing sex.”

It’s our gut instinct to not do this because we think we’ll freak a girl out if our true intentions are revealed, but it’s really the contrary. You have to let her know that you’re actually interested in her sexually, because if she doesn’t think you are, she’ll quickly find somebody who is.

Like most guys who were absolute geeks in high school, I’ve got a million stories about building up lots of rapport with a girl, only to have a buddy eventually boast about taking her down.

Once I got over the fear of losing rapport, my world changed. I don’t let my conversations rot anymore.

I actually remember the first time I ever did this. I was at a patio bar in the summer and I saw this girl who was completely my type.

I’m talking tall, cute brunette with black rim glasses, a sleeve of tattoos, tight jeans and ankle socks stuffed into pink pumps. Hell-o nurse.

After my initial Wayne’s World-esque, “She will be mine” moment, I hit it off with her.

It turned out Pink Pumps was into comic books as well as tattoos, and after about 5 minutes of talking, I felt like we could go on forever. But I knew I couldn’t do that, I was running out of time.

So in the middle of one of her sentences, I interrupted with;

“Sorry, I didn’t hear a word you just said, you just pushed your glasses up, it’s like this whole sexy librarian thing you do, and it’s driving me crazy.”

After a blush, and another very sexy, very blatant glasses adjustment, I was getting Pink Pumps’ number when her friend came up, grabbed her by the arm and said, “Remember how you have a boyfriend?”

Sure, I didn’t take Pink Pumps home that night, but in a way, it was just as much of a victory.

I’ve been living by this rule and closing ever since.


About David Maitland

David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.

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