Cliff’s List 5/22/2006
Cliff’s List Newsletter
CARLOS XUMA (http://www.datingdynamics.com):
GET SOME R.E.A.L. CLARITY
Is there too much information out there on this topic?
Have we reached info-saturation on pickup and att raction?
I was pondering this the other day as I was putting together
information for a presentation, and it stuck with me. I think that
the subject of att raction and pickup should be as easy as possible
to learn and to use.
A few years ago, I was subscribed to a bunch of newsletters on the
topic of seduction. After a while, it got to be just way too much,
and it was making it harder for me to arrive at my own
You’ll find that lot of the info out there is basically the same.
Everyone wants to convince you that THEY have found the answer.
What we’ve found is a bunch of answers to a lot of questions – not
We don’t need more complex models and clever diagrams. We need
You need more exercises that will actually put you on the path to
getting better with women, and in all social situations. You need
more examples and maps to find the path that suits you.
Have you noticed that there are very few people who can give you
exercises that are PRACTICAL at helping you with Inner game?
Why is that?
Let’s look at the problem. First of all:
1) You need motivation.
Face it, we all want to be motivated and inspired by someone. It’s
hard to stay motivated every day and all the time. Humans are lazy
by nature. The funny thing about laziness is this: We go through
all kinds of EFFORT and WORK to be lazy.
How do you think such things as the remote control and the recliner
with drink holders were invented? Human beings put out unbelievable
effort in the NOW to avoid work in the LATER.
Each one of those people that invented those time-saving,
effort-saving things thought it was a wonderful idea, or they just
wanted to get rich. Either way, they motivated themselves with the
promise of a better future if they would just invest time in
something right now.
Think about that for a minute, then rejoin me. I’ll be here.
Now as for motivation, well that’s like taking a shower. Every time
you get it, you feel great, but it wears off. Tomorrow, you’ll need
motivation all over again.
NOBODY is motivated 100% of the time, no matter what you may think.
NOBODY is good with women 100% of the time.
NOBODY is happy 100% of the time.
It all comes down to your own fire and drive. Moods come and go,
but action speaks volumes.
It’s YOUR job to find what motivates you and leverage it to keep
you going. I don’t care if it’s tapes or e-books or 2 triple
espressos in the morning. You have to go to the source of your
motivation and drink from the well, my friend. Don’t think that
reading an e-book once or watching a program once will get you that
motivation. You have to be willing to pick it up and re-read it ten
times (minimum) to really start to ingrain the beliefs in your
2) You don’t need another graph/chart/picture/clever analytical
method. You need ANSWERS.
There are some guys out there that are so hung up on the analytical
side of this stuff that they get into REAL trouble when it comes to
making more pictures of how to graph attraction and buying
temperature and social value and …
Jeez Louise. It’s time to put your scientific calculators away and
just own up to the ACTION you must take. To improve your inner game
will require work – and some of it might scare you.
Ultimately, the more information you try to find out there, the
more you are really trying to avoid DOING what you know you must
DO. We’re seeking the Holy Grail of attraction and pickup
techniques, but what we end up doing is not putting the EFFORT in.
By studying instead of doing, you get to feel the pleasure of
learning, and avoid the pain of practicing.
Remember: Anything worth doing will NOT be easy.
Let me say it again.
Anything worth doing in life will NOT be easy!
And it’s not easy to get off your butt and go meet women. It’s much
easier to sit inside and surf some nasty pictures, or post to a
forum. Or maybe even figure out if you plot the data points of a
woman’s interest against her body language you’ll get the square
root of … well, nothing.
On the other hand, if you can accept the total reality that if you
learn AND apply, you will succeed. It is as inevitable as the day
following the night.
I believe in the Jeet Kune Do philosophy as applied to the Art of
att raction. I call this (jokingly) “Jeet Kune Dating.”
Here’s your acronym for the week. I offer it to clarify and help.
If it doesn’t do that, forget it.
R = Relaxed & Resourceful – Cool and calm keeps you at your best,
your ability to connect to your innate abilities.
E = Effective & Energized – It has power – Alpha Power. Raise your
A = Authentic & Alpha – It has to be YOU, and it has to be the
L = Lifestyle & Lasting – Because it’s NATURAL to you, you’ll never
lose it – No separation from your identity.
R.E.A.L. Game. This is what I use to help guys get their inner game
Back to Bruce.
Bruce Lee sought to reconcile all the various styles and methods he
saw in the community of Martial Arts. He created the Tao of Jeet
Kune Do as an answer to this, explaining that NO-style should be
your style. It comes from a personal set of beliefs.
I try my best to perform the same function for guys today. By
providing them with tools that they can adapt to their
personalities, they can build on the foundation of their
REAL selves to achieve success more readily.
Other methods often require you to slap a whole structure on top of
a foundation (i.e., personality) that it may not fit. It makes more
sense to start with building locks of that person’s personality
type to give them their own individual approach. In the end, every
man that achieves true success with women will end up with his own
UNIQUE style anyway.
Wherever you go, there you are.
In the Tao of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee’s book on his philosophy of
fighting arts, he talks about the six diseases that plague us. I
think they are frighteningly relevant to the art of att raction and
pickup, and so I offer them to you here. Consider also that
following any one “system” is only a stepping stone to greater
growth. In fact, if you follow any particular system of pickup or
seduction (or whatever you choose to call it), then you are also
using a ‘technique,’ but in a much larger sense. You’re using one
Now, the six ‘diseases’:
1) “The desire for victory.”
Ah, how this plagues so many men. The need for results and desire
for women puts us in a dangerous head space. We must let go of
attachment to results, but pursue them to a conclusion.
2) “The desire to resort to technical cunning.”
Again, too strong an attachment to a technique fails to grasp the
understanding that we must all CUSTOMIZE our approach to our
3) “The desire to display all that has been learned.”
Wow. I have to raise my hand at that one. I’ve done this a lot. You
learn a ton of clever stuff, and you gotta unload it. In the end,
you probably could have done without it all. You just act from the
confidence that HAVING it means you don’t have to USE it.
4) “The desire to awe the enemy.”
This would be all of us. What guy hasn’t let his ego creep into his
approach or interaction with a woman and ruin things by being the
braggart or boaster? Just Relax and let her discover you. Not get
overwhelmed by you.
5) “The desire to play the pa s s ive role.”
We, as men, must be the initiators. I know there’s a ton of clever
stuff out there that appeals to a guy’s desire to not approach or
not take action to get women att racted to him, but the REALity
persists. You must be the one to take action. Initiate. It’s your
destiny and your birthright. Don’t shirk it.
6) “The desire to get rid of whatever disease one is affected by.”
This one is the toughest to understand, in that Zen koan sort of
way. I think what is meant by this is that to succeed, you can’t be
constantly wrestling with your weaknesses. You can’t let go when
you’re trying to get rid of them.
You must simply dilute them with the power of your strengths. I
think that a big part of this thinking is that if I focus too much
on overcoming my weaknesses, I succumb to them.
Take that with a grain of common sense. Desire is a part of human
nature. But in the end. you will only be as successful to the
degree that you LET GO, not cling desperately to your ‘style’ or
your ‘techniques’ or your methods. Remember, long after all the
clever lines and approaches have been exposed, your authenticity
and REAL character will never be out of style or a liability. You
can’t get CAUGHT if you’re being YOU.
Three Real Life Examples of SEXY STEREOTYPING in Action
Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they’re
looking for in a guy? Yup, it’s true. I talk pretty openly about my
work as a dating guru with lots of different girls, and sometimes
they give me some pretty interesting inside information.
One thing I’ve noticed in my own life and when teaching students is
that women have certain “sexy stereotypes” hard-coded into their
brain. If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything
easier moving forward. Let me give you a few examples.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls and she was
telling me her roommate wants a guy with 3 qualities:
1. Asian guy
2. Indie rock look
3. With a car
That’s all she’s looking for and she can’t seem to find it. Weird
huh? If a guy with these 3 qualities approached her, he’d probably
get laid with little or no game.
Another girl was telling a story about how she used to go and hit
on any guy that had a “fuzzy in the back.” Translation: fashion
mullet. Then she was disappointed because every guy she hit on
turned out to be gay. Another hot chick leading a sexually
A third girl I spoke to told me she immediately liked me because I
had the same leather jacket as Uncle Jesse from an old sitcom
called “Full House.”
What’s going on here?
Do girls really choose guys based on weird criteria like having a
fashion mullet or a John Stamos jacket?
The answer is yes they do. Sounds simple I know, but it’s a deeper
concept than you may realize.
The fact of the matter is that girls stereotype you in the first 2
seconds when you approach them. If she stereotypes you as a “sexy
guy” the approach is going to go much better than if she
stereotypes you as an average guy, or a loser.
Sometimes, girls just light up automatically because you fit their
idea of what a sexy guy is.
Other times, you have to dig yourself out of a hole because she
already thinks bad things about you before you even do your opener.
You can learn all the techniques and great openers in the world,
and that’s a necessary part of the game, but if you haven’t created
a look and an identity that are easy for girls to stereotype as
“sexy” then you’re making things more of an uphill battle than they
need to be.
In our culture, the word “stereotyping” has a bad reputation. It’s
been vilified quite a bit in the AFC media. We see it every day-
people on TV who say “Stereotyping is WRONG! You have to evaluate
people based on the content of their character!”
While we all may agree with this in theory, we also know that this
is the real world. att ractive women are not going to give you a
chance to show “the content of your character” unless you create
powerful att raction in the first few minutes. If you look like a
Trekkie, most women will write you off as a loser even if you have
great inner game or a great opening line.
Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to
immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone,
and body language. It’s just not practical to get to know lots and
lots of guys. So they go with their “gut instinct.” A lot of that
“gut instinct” has to do with how she stereotypes you before you
even say anything.
If you can figure out how to make women stereotype you as a sexy
guy, amazing things start to happen. You may get same day lays,
kiss closes in minutes, fewer cock blockers, logistics get easier.
All the other parts of your game seem to suddenly come together and
you get RESULTS.
So how does one harness the power of sexy stereotyping?
Start by realizing that there are many stereotypes hard coded into
the female brain that you can use to your advantage. We all know
what the sexy stereotypes are, even AFCs know that. Here’s a few
Even normal, conservative girls are att racted to guys that fit
these sexy stereotypes. But very few men have the balls to
transform themselves into someone who can be stereotyped as a sexy
Most guys are afraid to change their look and their identity for 2
1. It takes them out of their comfort zone.
2. They are afraid friends and family will give them a hard time.
It’s true, if you change the way you present yourself, some narrow
minded people will say, “What’s up with you? YOU CHANGED, MAN! You
look like a FREAK.”
You have to expect that a few people are going to try to pressure
you into being a bland, average type of person. They are afraid
that if you raise your social value, you’re going to stop hanging
out with them. It’s kinda like when you’re alcoholic friends try to
get you to drink your life away. These people are THREATENED by the
fact that you are improving. They are afraid they will LOSE you as
a friend if you get cooler.
Many people harbor a secret resentment towards anyone with high
social value. It’s a defense mechanism that allows them to continue
their delusional ways. Is that the kind of person you want to have
as a friend?
Get some balls and don’t worry about that. Start experimenting with
how you’re presenting yourself.
Let’s get a little more concrete here and talk about sexy
stereotyping as it relates to your style of dress. Of course there
are MANY ways to convey sexiness and tap into positive
stereotyping, but how you dress is the easiest one! Why? Because
you can take your time and plan it out. Then once you get it
figured out you don’t have to work on it again until it’s time to
update your style.
Body language and voice tone are much harder to improve, you have
to think about them all the time for MONTHS until they becomes
Let me give you a step by step approach to turning on the power of
1.Stop worrying about what your AFC friends think. Pay less
attention to them and more attention to how women are perceiving
2. Take an active interest in style and fashion. As kids, we were
all taught that if you’re into fashion, that means your a fag. Then
our moms would order our clothes from the JC Penney catalog and
sure enough, a dork is born. Now that you’re a grown man, you can
be secure enough to take an interest in fashion and not feel like
it makes you less masculine. One of the best places to do research
on the topic is myspace.com. There are thousands of people on there
who have cutting edge fashion knowledge, and they congregate in the
“groups—>fashion” area of the myspace website. These are people
who sit home all day getting all dressed up just to take pictures
3. Start to identify sexy stereotypes when you see them. If girls
are flocking to a guy or group of guys, have a look at how they’re
presenting their identity. Pay attention to how they’re expressing
their identity through their clothing.
I’m always looking for this, and I think I’ve recently discovered a
new sexy stereotype. I saw these guys in a club a few weeks back
with bad blazers and short hair in a pony tail. These guys were
lanky and had big weird noses, but they were walking around like
they owned the place. Girls were digging them. I realized what it
was – the European vibe. I dubbed this look “Euro-douche” and filed
it away for future use. Watch out for the Euro-douche look!
4. Choose a sexy stereotype that feels natural to you.
5. Find a person who has mastered the style and has a similar body
type to yours.
6. Model your style after that person’s look. You must model
yourself after the best in order to get similar results. I know
your social conditioning is telling you that you’re a unique
snowflake and you should never copy anything. I’m telling you from
experience that modeling is the fastest shortcut to sexy
stereotyping. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Don’t make
things harder than they need to be. Do it the easy way. Modeling a
person who already has it figured out will give you a huge head
start. You can customize the look later when you have your
developed your fashion sense a bit more.
7. Test it out. Don’t spend $1000 on 7 new outfits all at once. Try
on a new stereotype and see what reactions you get. I’m talking
about reactions from att ractive women, not reactions from your
Trekkie looking friends. If you’re getting good reactions from hot
chicks, you know you’re onto something. If not, try something else.
8. Expand and refine. Enjoy the success. Watch how much easier it
is to att ract women when they categorize you as a sexy guy. You’ll
find you have less trouble with CBs, fewer blowouts, less LMR, and
I work with guys on their style all the time and here’s a few
1. Guideline 1: Don’t worry about “blending in.”
If you seem like a normal average guy, you’ll often get the normal
average result. Most att ractive women reject normal guys all the
time. This is their default response. Rejecting normal guys becomes
Normal guys who approach these women are usually needy AFCs. After
years of being approached by normal looking guys who are needy,
there is a correlation formed in the woman’s subconscious:
Normal=Needy. I know it’s not fair, but we must deal with the world
the way it really is, not the way we wish it would be. If you’re
always worried about “blending in” and “looking normal,” all of the
negative stereotypes from needy AFCs will get transferred on to
REMEMBER: There is ma s s ive social pressure on all of us to
“blend in.” If you bend to social pressure all the time, you can’t
expect to achieve greatness in this area or in life in general.
Are there girls out there who like “normal looking” guys? Yes, of
course. But, these girls usually like sexy guys too. They tend to
put normal looking guys in the “husband/provider” category, and
sexy looking guys into the “seducer” category. Which category would
you rather be in?
Guideline 2- Don’t be too confusing.
Some guys try to mix looks that just don’t go well together. I see
it all the time. They’re trying to express the complex
individualism that defines their existence.
But….it’s not that deep.
And….girls just don’t care.
You have to make a strong statement so they GET IT right away.
Girls stereotype you in the FIRST 2 SECONDS! They’re not going to
take the time to process how your glowing necklace reflects off
your khakis. Don’t confuse their sense of stereotyping. If they
don’t understand what you’re going for right away, you’re gonna be
right back to digging yourself out of a hole. And who wants that?
Guideline 3: How far should you take it?
This is an interesting question. Should you just add a few elements
of a sexy stereotype, or should you go all out? The short answer to
this is that it’s all relative to your location. If you live in NYC
or LA, and you want to do the “Male Model” look, you’d better go
all out or it’s not gonna work. If you’re in rural Montana, a
little goes a long way. As long as you dress like a model more than
any other guy she’s seen this month, you probably will get a pretty
warm response to your approach.
I’ve traveled all over the world meeting women, and I go all out
with sexy stereotyping. “Going all out” will work everywhere, but
it is not completely necessary in suburban and rural areas.
I’d advise you to overshoot your goal rather than undershoot it.
Think big. If your gonna do this, go all out! In the beginning you
may feel weird. Feeling weird is a sign that you are FORCING your
personality to grow. Get yourself a BIG BOLD style and let your
reality grow into it. If you feel like you may have gone too far,
but you’re getting good reactions from women, that means you’re
doing something right. Give your personality some time to grow into
your new look. Don’t panic and revert back to a being a scared,
pussy-a s s dude who looks just like everyone else.
You’d be amazed at the results you can get when girls are
perceiving you as sexy instead of average. It changes the tone of
the entire interaction. It changes the balance of power. It makes
THEM chase YOU.
My students are sometimes amazed when I get makeouts in 30 seconds,
or end up dragging some girl off to the bathroom in 10 minutes.
They ask how I do it and sexy stereotyping is a big part of why I
succeed in 10 minutes while other guys take 10 hours or even 10
days to get into a chick’s pants.
Some have asked me why I’d just give away my secrets like this.
What if every guy taps into the power of sexy stereotyping, then I
wouldn’t be so successful anymore. The fact of the matter is that
VERY FEW of the people reading this right now will have the balls
to develop into a sexy guy. Are you one of the few guys who can
make it happen, or will you file this away as just another piece of
entertainment from the Internet?
Can you leave your comfort zone? Do you have the courage to stand
up to social pressure? That is my challenge to you.
If you can take my ideas and turn them into real world results,
then you deserve every bit of success you get! There’s plenty of
pussy to go around, and I applaud everyone out there who’s making
I wish you the best in all your endeavors with women and in life in
general, and I will see you at the Cliff’s List Convention in
Just a comment on the Tolan2/Rhino’s post:
Here is how I would handle the situation:
Her: We are raising money to buy drinks for the bride. You can kiss
my thigh if you give me a dollar ( or whatever ).
Me: Oh, I don’t do that. BUT, I will give you TWO dollars if you
win the 5 questions game. ( See Style’s demos, 2005 Cliff’s List
workshop DVD )
Her: Sure! ( She always says yes b/c now she has a chance to make
$2 instead of $1, plus it is fun )
Me: I tell you what. If you win, I will give you $2. If you lose ,
I get a kiss on the cheek. You wanna to play? ( Obviously, it is
better to get a kiss from her instead of winning $ from her. This
is a variation from the original Style’s demo. )
If you play the game right, they always lose. This way, you come
across as a fun guy and you will end up with a kiss from her while
she is having a good time and laughing. Then follow with your
routine stack. I have used this many times with great success.
Cliff’s List, 2348 Lucerne Rd., Suite 143, Montreal, Quebec, CANADA H3R 2J8.
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About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me