#1 Reason Most Guys Have Horrible Conversations with Women
It is the single most common complaint I hear from guys: “When I go up to a girl, usually it starts ok, but I almost never get what I want in the end.”
This used to be a huge problem for me. I struggled to get the nerve to go up to girls. When I finally developed more confidence, I figured all my problems were over. But the same results happened over and over again.
Does this sound familiar to you? Like I said, a lot of guys have this problem. But there is a super straightforward secret to fixing it.
If the previous description sounds familiar to you, then there is one thing that you are lacking when you go up to a girl: Intention.
In the situations I just described, intention means having a goal in mind before you even go up to her.
Of course, you probably already have a broad goal – you want her to like you. Maybe you just want her to like you so that you can give your ego a boost or maybe you are really attracted to her. But every guy who takes the time to come up to a girl wants attraction to be the result of his conversation with her.
The problem is that this goal is TOO VAGUE. Having intention means having a very specific goal.
Before you go up to a girl, you need to ask yourself some important questions. Even if you only have a small window of time to talk with her (maybe she is leaving and you have to hurry to catch up to her), you should be asking these questions as you go after her INSTEAD OF worrying about a good opening line.
What do I want out of the conversation?
You need to think about specifics. The follow up questions will help you get the right amount of specifies. Plus, the answers will guide you when it comes to what direction you take the conversation in after you start talking to her.
I’ve been aware of intention for a long time now, but sometimes I still forget what I want out of a conversation with a girl. The difference is amazing. Every time I’m in a hurry and I don’t pause to answer the questions, I end up feeling like I’m lost in the conversation. The results are noticeably worse compared to when I ask the questions to myself.
The follow-up questions:
Follow-ups can include:
Do I want to get her phone number?
Do I want to get her back to my place?
Do I want to set up a meeting with her?
Do I want to try suggest a future meeting without making an actual date?
Do I want her to know that I am attracted to her?
There are other questions that you can ask. These are the most common ones, and they are the best examples of how specific your “intention” questions need to be. And always remember, whatever your goal is, you want it to happen by the end of the conversation.
Why is this so vital?
First of all, how many times have you psyched yourself out? You are talking to a girl. It’s going well, and she seems attracted, so you decide to ask her out. You wait for your window, but then you start to second guess. With a specific goal already in your mind, you won’t have room in your thoughts to doubt yourself.
Second, and most important, your goal gives you a base to build on. You are not just having a conversation, you are having a conversation that is leading towards something that you want. Every time you don’t know what to say or you experience an awkward silence, you can remember your goal and you will know what direction you need to move the conversation in next.
This stuff sounds simple, but it is so important. I’ve seen a lot of guys get instant results when I teach them about intention.
It’s not that I have taught them some secret technique. It is simply that they have a goal in mind and they are thinking about this goal instead of worrying about if a girl likes them or what they need to say next. Yes, it’s simple, but it is a game changer for a lot of guys who have been struggling.
This is all meaningless if you don’t take the next step
So now you understand intention and why asking the “focusing questions” is a vital first step to ANY interaction with a girl you are attracted to.
The next step is to get into the details of creating the kind of conversation experience that will help you reach your goals with her.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.