About the Author

Rick has never written a serious thing in his life, some of which can be found at ESPN the Magazine, McSweeney's, Radar Magazine, Deadspin, Flak Magazine and The Morning News. The rest can be found here. He lives in Los Angeles, is a White Sox fan, and maintains a personal blog here.

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Ever since the first human saw that “starchy, tuberous crop” jutting up from the ground entangled in roots, its lumpy exterior hiding its, let’s be honest, mostly-bland taste, man has dreamt of one day being able to take this hard, rotund mass and launch it as far as possible. Preferably in a rapid-fire gun. Well ladies and gentlemen, our dreams have finally become reality.

I present to you, the Potato Gatling Gun:

And now, because of how easy it is to disperse information to the masses, you can make your own Potato Gatling Gun in the comfort of your backyard. Be warned though, this is not a task to be undertaken by the weak of heart or mind. According to the folks who made the prototype, this kind of thing is going to run you $200 and cost about 40 man-hours to build. But if you can manage to get though that, this sucker will shoot your spud up to 200 feet. You can’t really put a price on that.

Now we just need to somehow be able to travel through time and bring this back to the times of the great Irish Potato Famine. They would worship us like gods!

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