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The Autobiography of Rejection

By on April 13, 2011

Hello, I’m Rejection.

Just this year I celebrated my infinite birthday. Yeah, that’s right. I’ve been making my rounds on this here earth since the first microorganisms started getting together. Sure, I didn’t have a name back then—hell, we didn’t even have language back then—but I haven’t changed a bit. Some things just aren’t meant to be together, and when they’re not, I show up.

Stop crying, crybabies

In these past 200,000 or so years though, I’ve become very special. In fact, there are quite a few modern humans—mostly guys—who are convinced I was born only to torment them! These guys really make me feel appreciated. I mean, even though I’m on a first name basis with every organism that’s ever inhabited the earth, these highly-sensitive men believe I have a special place in my icy heart for them!

These guys actually believe that no other man has felt my sting like they have! They believe they’re a “special case”—as if I reserve all my time and energy for them! While the sentiments are flattering, these guys really don’t understand what it means to be Rejection. They just don’t seem to “get” that I visit everyone equally—in fact, I prefer tormenting the really successful people most, because they don’t seem to care when I show up.

Well, since we’re on that topic, let’s talk about these “successful” people. Man, do I hate those insensitive assholes! I just can’t seem to get these people to notice me! I give it my best, and I throw everything I have at them, making them feel my wrath time-after-time…yet these successful people just won’t budge!

What can I do to get these people to notice me?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love tormenting the weak-minded, feeble-spirited people who bow and surrender at my beck and call…but the people I really want to reach are the ones who are actually making something of their lives.

You know who I’m talking about…the guys who keep approaching girls even though they may get rejected, or the people who keep trying to build their businesses even after massive set-backs, or the dreamers who stay true to their vision even though everyone tells them that they’re crazy and stupid. These are the people I want—why can’t I get them to notice me?!?!

It’s almost as if the people who give me all their attention aren’t even worth my time. Between you and me, let me tell you what I really think…people who think I’m really special are losers. Yup, I said it. Losers. Like I said, it’s flattering and all, but why would I want to spend time with people who are so moved by my presence…don’t these people have a backbone?!

I know, I know. The old saying, “I’d never want to join a club that would accept me” really rings true here. And sure, I probably should appreciate what I have, and appreciate all the losers who revolve their lives around me like I’m a demigod…but man, over the course of my life, all the people who really matter, or have lived fulfilling lives, just ignore me like I don’t exist.

While the losers seem to think I avoid these successful people, and believe that I only dote on them (idiots!), they couldn’t be more wrong. These losers want to keep pretending that I’m only faithful to them, but that’s just not the case. I spend more time chasing what I can’t have. I spend more time wrecking the attempts of the successful people. I put more of my energy into trying to get successful people to notice me.

But every time I do, I just end of feeling so…so…rejected.

Wow, I guess that’s it. Successful people reject Rejection. Ha, isn’t that ironic? Well, try as they may, I won’t stop. I’ll keep ruining their little attempts to better themselves until the day they die! Every once in a while, I get one of these successful people to crack and worship me like all the other losers.

And don’t worry, I’m coming for you, too, reader. No matter if you’re successful or a loser, a human or a microorganism, make no mistake: I will enter your life. And I will try to destroy it. So are you going to pay attention to me like all the other losers? Or are you going to ignore me so that I harass you more like all the success people?

Either way, see you soon!

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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3 Comments

  1. Renegade

    April 13, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Best article EVER… Imma be waiting rejection, plus i aint scared of you.

    • Rob Judge

      April 13, 2011 at 1:52 pm

      haha thanks man! Glad you enjoyed it!

  2. Endurance

    April 17, 2011 at 5:05 am

    It’s so deep, yet so humorous. It’s like South Park.

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