When You Graduate from The Game
The other day I was talking to Bobby Rio about the absurdity of “game” rules once you begin enjoying a modicum of success with women. Buying drinks. Paying for expensive dinners. Being “nice.” It all works once you know what the hell you’re doing.
Yup. I said it. It’s not only okay to do that sort of stuff—it actually helps! Yet, I’d never give such advice to a guy who’s just starting out. For a guy looking to find his inner stud and get in touch with his confidence, buying babes drinks or regaling ladies with lavish dinners will lead nowhere but badass.
But those “rules” aren’t written in stone. There will come a day when you can successfully game “The Game” and do whatever you it is you want to do. Why’s that? Let me explain…
When guys are just starting out with improving their success with women, time is not on their side. Every moment a guy is standing in front of a girl is leaving him more of an opportunity to screw up.
Hence why so much of the learning to become better with women happens in “chunks.” First, you learn to approach. Then, to get a conversation going. Then, to flirt. Then, to escalate. Then, to close, etc. The reason this pattern repeats itself for most guys is simple: they’re learning to put time on their side.
In other words, they’re developing the inner confidence to rely on the strength of their personality to keep women interested. Make sense?
If you understand, you understand why you can “game” the game once you master the rules. Ultimately, the entire purpose of learning “game” is to buy you more time. However, once you can confidently guide an interaction from stranger to sex, then you no longer need to worry about screwing up.
That’s when the game changes.
When the game changes, you can do things that flagrantly contradict the rules you learned to get where you’re at now. In fact, what you do really doesn’t matter. All that matters is this:
As long as a girl’s in front of you, then you’ll eventually attract her.
It may take 15 seconds or it may take 15 dates—it doesn’t matter. All that matters is this: are you keeping yourself in front of the girl. Most guys don’t look at interactions this way—especially guys who are already good with women.
Often guys think they need to keep “gaming” the girl because that’s the only chance they have to get a girl attracted. This makes absolutely no sense. Focusing on that is ass-backwards. Instead, guys should be concerned with simply keeping themselves in front of the girl.
So if he has to buy her drink, so be it. If he has to pay for a nice dinner, so be it. This stuff really doesn’t matter at this point. All he needs to do is keep himself in front of the girl, and he’s home free.
And it all goes back to the “ultimate belief” that every guy eventually needs to internalize: I’m enough.
Once a guy realizes that he no longer needs to “buy time” with a girl by gaming her, he’s effectively graduated the dating advice scene. It’s in his best interest to delete the eBooks, get off the mailing lists, and get on with his life. There’s no longer anything that guy can learn from the dating advice industry—in fact, studying more can actually hurt him.
If you want to pop back in to grab a quick tip or a check out a new concept, that’s perfectly fine; however, prioritizing dating advice as if it were life-changing dogma is not what you need at this point. You simply need to put yourself in front of women…and keep yourself in front of women.
It’s unfortunate that a lot of guys who become good with women stagnate their growth by suckling dating advice for too long. Learning to become better with women has a graduation date. When you’ve taken several interactions from stranger to sex, and you feel confident you can do it no matter how attractive the girl is, then it’s time you internalized the ultimate belief that: you’re enough.
Consider that belief your girl-getting diploma. So hold on to it, step off the podium, and begin your new, empowered life. You’ve graduated.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.