About the Author
I cant begin to count how many times I have been asked this daunting question. This wasnt supposed to happen to someone like me Ive been in long-term relationships the majority of my dating life. I am a petite, educated, attractive, fit and independent woman. I am down to earth, but definitely have a wild side that comes out here and there. I am not the sorry ass old maid type at all, yet, still I remain single! But truthfully, I think even though I have devoted all this time to each and every failing relationship, I just might be dating the wrong guys. SHOCKING I know, but alas it is absolutely the truth.
Fast forward to now “ In my 30s, established in my career, secure with my relationships, in the best physical and mental shape of my life and very S-I-N-G-L-E! Well, after realizing that Mr. Perfect was not going to seek me out and sweep me off my feet combined with the torture of seeing most of my friends getting married, having children and buying houses, I finally folded and succumbed to my dreaded fate which was to join the rest of the people my age in the trend of internet dating. Dont get me wrong, I love, love, love living alone and I have an awesome pad, but one thing is still missing.
Before I get into the any trials and tribulations of online dating, let me tell you about some recent dates that have influenced me to pursue online dating
I decided to go out one night with a girlfriend from work to a popular city in my state that is known to have a singles scene. I am not really into that scene, but my friend wanted to go so I figured Id give it a shot. We go into a packed bar of YUPPIES yuck! Everyone looks like a clone “ Same short hair, button down in various pastel colors, jeans and shitty pick up lines. Ok, I can do this So I go in and take off my jacket exposing my tattoos. TEACHABLE MOMENT GUYS Dont ask a girl what her tattoos mean. It is a highly annoying overused pick-up line that will only make the girl think you suck! Use this line and you probably wont be getting laid! I make my way around the bar ignoring all tattoo comments and trying not to open my mouth and say something that will get me in trouble. After a while I meet this sarcastic guy who is pretty much making fun of everyone in the place “ My kind of guy!!! Well, minus the button down and slicked back hair, but at least we have some humor! For future reference, we shall call this guy Lyin Brian “ fuck protecting his name, he doesnt deserve it! We talk it up, drink it up and I give him the digits “ done deal! He calls and we talk throughout the week. Conversation is flowing and he seems pretty down to earth. A bit younger than me but has a good job and is intelligent and so we set up a dinner date for the next Saturday night at 7pm.
This is the story of what NOT to do on a first date! Or a second, third or fourth date for that matter
Fast forward to Saturday
Noon- Phone Rings:
LyinBrian tells me that he is going to a Met game during the day with his friend. I ask if he wants to reschedule and he says no so we are still on for later.
MISTAKE #1 – NEVER take someone out after a sporting event with your boys! Getting riled up and drinking before a date is not a good idea!
4pm- Phone Rings:
Lyin Brian: Hey, what are you doing?
Myself: Just got out of the shower
Lyin Brian:I am coming over with a bottle of wine … he sounds kind of buzzed.
Myself: It is only 4:00. Have you been drinking?
LyinBrian: Only a beer or two. Cmon, what is your address?
Myself: Wait, what? I am not ready, I still have some things to do and I just got out of the shower.
Lyin Brian: Good, I want to see what you look like when you are not done up.
Myself: This is not a good idea. I dont want to drink right now and you told me 7:00.
LyinBrian: Well then I have to go and shower at my friends house and there are a bunch of girls over there
** He is trying to sway me thinking I am jealous **
Myself:Oh well, guess you will have to do that then. The earliest I can do is 6:30
LyinBrian:Fine as he mumbles and grunts
This is when I should have called it quits, but I didnt.
6:30 pm: He picks me up and we head to the city. On the way he is messing around and swerving and bucking the car. Seeing that I am less than amused he comments to me that I need to relax, stop being so uptight and just have a good time. He also makes several statements suggesting we get drunk when we get to the city. When I ask about dinner plans, he responds that he is not hungry and goes on to say that he doesnt really eat on the weekends, weekends are for drinking. I let him know that since he set it up as a dinner date, I would need to eat something since I hadnt eaten at all. After an attitude, he agrees to watch me eat! I ask him if we can stop at an ATM real quick since I only have $5.oo on me and he insists it is unnecessary. HELP! This can only lead to bad things
We walk into a restaurant/club, I check my coat and he immediately begins making inappropriate sexually charged comments to the hostess. I am so embarrassed! He orders a bottle of wine and we share it while I eat and he talks about himself. When the waitress asks if we want dessert, he responds, Only if it includes whipped cream and you!. At this point, I AM MORTIFIED! I speak to him like a would a disobedient child and let him know that he must cut the crap because his behavior is unacceptable and immature. He apologizes and tries to kiss me. Eww no. After a torturous meal we head over to the bar/lounge area of the club. No more wine for me as I am feeling pretty buzzed but he pushes me to have another drink. I stick to my safe drink Jack and DietAnother bad idea! I am buzzing pretty hard at this point.
While he is waiting to order drinks I notice him talking to two girls at the bar. Nice! Takes the pressure off me for a minute. or so I thought until I hear him call me over there. Without hesitation he introduces his newfriends to me, Girl 1 and Girl 2, this is Jillshe is a lesbian. After a slight mini stroke I shoot him the look of death and signal him to walk to a private area so I can give him another time-out where he again gives a false apology and attempts to kiss me. Hell No! He goes back to bar and begins fartingI KID YOU NOT and yelling aloud, Damn, who farted!?. Can this really be happening??
All of a sudden I see some familiar faces.Could it be? Thank god! Some of my brothers frat boy friends happen to be there. I go up to one and he asks me what the hell I am doing with a loser like that. I explain the scenario and decide I am going to make an attempt to get out of this situation. I go up to Lyin Brian and tell him I cant drink anymore and would like to go home. At that point he begins to pout like a two year old and blurts out,I dont wanna go home! This is the worst date ever!. I am thinking I agree but for who???? I tell him to fuck off and that I am leaving. He refuses to give me my coat check ticket so after over an hour of searching through coats and giving them my only $5, I coerce a cab driver to take me to an ATM machine so I can get home. $70 later, I finally get home. Thank god it is over That is until I get that drunken phone call at 5am in which he left me a message telling me how weird I am and instructing me never to call him again! Talk about having to get the last word inI think that was established when I left your ass in the city and cabbed it home, but it is not worth the effort of getting worked up. Lets just chalk it up to a really, really, really bad date!
Let the good times begin!
Let me back-track for just a minute I have been privy to the online dating scene before, however at the time, I wasnt really ready for it. I am not proud to say that the last time I sort of used that experience as a 3 month ego boost after my last break-up. Did I mention that it happened to be the same site? This could be a recipe for disaster and I am skeptical to say the least Especially when I tell my friends who of course are all in serious relationships. Lets just say that their reactions were less than favorable Are you serious?Arent you embarrassed?That is for desperate people Why would you do that? etc Good Times! Fuck it though, what is the big deal really? I mean as we get older, we are all busy with responsibilities, have met all of our friends, sisters, best-friends brothers and sisters and the bar scene is not exactly the ideal meeting spot, so why not give it a try. Besides, if they are seeing me on this website, chances are that they too are in my situation and at least I wont be subjected to the dreaded question of why I am 30 something and still single, right? Continued on next page…
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Lol too funny! It must be tough to date in a smaller town. I’m from NYC so it is much less of an issue, but don’t let it get you down! There’s nothing wrong with being picky, I assure you. Online, as is the case in life, you’re not going to find Mr. Perfect in the first day of doing it. Just because everyone around you is a mayflower pilgrim, settling on the first person who comes around, doesn’t mean you should. One of these days someone who’s checked out Dave M’s product will come along and sweep you off of your feet.
Hammer,
Being a newbie to the PUA community, you did spark my interest with your mention of Dave M’s product so I decided to check out his site. Some good stuff! Clearly I have yet to meet any of his subscribers!
I am still hanging on for my Mr. Perfect though. I recently had a friend try to convince me that I was too judgemental, well she actually called me superficial because I made a reference to looks being important. What came out of her mouth just proves my point, “C’mon Jill, do you really think _______ (her husband) was my type?” … confirming the idea of settling. She then went on to tell me about the 80/20 rule, some Dr. Phil bs…. Isn’t he having marital problems anyway? Whatever…
You’re not too judgmental, there’s no reason to settle. Keep in mind though, that the guys who are good at this are going to have a lot of options, 80/20 in effect.
Recent Words from Hammer..LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party
Hammer – NYC is a big city so it’s VERY easy, but it’s also cool because you have a better chance to date in your city because it’s so big.
This article is so amusing but it also pisses me off because there are guys out there that make it harder for us great guys to date women.
But like Hammer said, it takes time and eventually like anything else, practice makes perfect and it gets better over time.
Recent Words from Infinity..Am I A Pick Up Artist?
Dude I totally disagree. I think that it’s guys like this that make it so easy for me to stand out!. Also, I promise you that if I moved to your city I’d get a plethora of ass, both off of match and in bars.
Recent Words from Hammer..LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party
Read the blog on the Swallowschween Party… Nice moves Hammertime!
http://www.covinoandrich.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album51&id=ahg#Bottom
Recent Words from Hammer..LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party
I think I was a little confusing when I said that. It does make it easier for us who know what they are doing (I actually love being the guy that breaks their mold of every other guy they meet), but most guys would think that it makes it harder because they just think “one guy ruins it for everyone.” And that is FAR from the case as I’m sure we prove day in and day out.
And for the city scene, I personally have NO problems with the quantity of women I get and have access to here and I’m sure you wouldn’t have a problem here either. I live in Boston!
Although I haven’t tried Match, I am going to make the push to use it and put time into it. I think I’m missing out on an exponential amount of possibilities here and so much I could learn.
Awesome blog by the way! I love Halloween. That is the one day you are almost guaranteed to get laid in the year.
I just had to step in here for a moment… Not to squash anyone with their game here, but for women, ‘getting ass’ is not even an issue in most cases… regardless of looks unfortunately.
Like the old adage says, it’s about the quality… not the quantity.
Don’t get me wrong, playing the field (and I may be a chic, but believe me I can hold my own!) can be great fun… but even the best ass and no substance gets real old, real quick!
The whole time I was reading I’m thinking, “attractive, intelligent girl with her shit together…why would she stick around so long with the douchy?” I don’t get it…we’re irrational creatures I guess
Thoroughly entertaining stories nonetheless! You’re a great writer. Look forward to reading more
Buddah Babe-
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus! Why do we do the things we do???? I will just have to chalk it up to one of those questions of the universe… it is quite possible we may never know.
Well I guess my theory of on the first few dates instead of picking the girl up, switch it up and have her meet me at the place.
I know exactly what you mean, it’s like all that’s left in existence are people that possess major issues(Everyone struggles with issues, but some of these folks nowadays are just fucked up). I just think that some of them have gone by the wayside and are hiding under an exterior of pain and emotional distraught.
No doubt on the meeting at the place Lilez0521! I just made that mistake again and as always, an ugly result lol! Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment! I am sure it will make a future post…
As far as your reference to those with major issues, I agree 100%. It’s easier to blame past experiences and hide under the pain. However, I believe that those that exude confidencewill pick themselves up when that shit happens. Let’s face it, you cannot find successes in life, love or anything without the occassional failures.
Hey not to be a dick but..
BWAHAHAHAHA!!
Funny stuff!
Well,if you really wanted Mr perfect why don’t you date some of the regular guys from this website?Im pretty sure they want to prove you wrong.Good luck!
I am uncertain as to what you mean by ‘regular guys’, but I can assure you I have given many types of guys a chance. If you mean regular as in nothing to offer me or not being seriously attracted to them, that part of my life is looooong gone! I stand by the criteria set! If anything, I am only getting pickier sad to say.
Did you really say the guys on this (tsb) website or am still a little buzzed from last nite?
I think it’s important to have a criteria to know what you want in someone – VERY IMPORTANT!
And we all are picky in one way or another. Clearly you Jill want something more and for that reason, you can be as picky as you want.
And you are not buzzed. There are some quality guys here and I will include myself without hesitation. It’s just a matter of seeking these people out and getting to know them. They may not be your type but they may still be quality people you may want in your life.
Wow, just put in a smiley face…
Recent Words from Infinity..Am I A Pick Up Artist?
Yup,from this website.If they are reading this at least give them credit for trying to improve on how to set up a proper date.We are trying! LOL
No doubt Fookloh! I was just speaking with a PUA about the fact that some women perceive these websites and/or types of posts as ways of enticing or luring in women– giving them a negative connotation.
My thoughts are completely the opposite though. I am thinking about how many women (including myself at times) will get upset because they meet this ‘great guy’, but something vital may be missing or in general, they wonder why guys don’t know about or do certain things that girls find so important.
Hey, here’s a thought…. Maybe they weren’t being made aware of things. I believe if they knew, they’d want to give it a shot, right? What person (male or female) wouldn’t want to improve their chances of meeting the right person?