Why Caring KILLS Attraction
When you meet a girl that you like, your immediate response might be to create a “good impression” on her. However, worrying too much about what she thinks can be extremely detrimental because it can cause you to act in unnatural and unbecoming ways. In today’s article I want to talk about why you should stop caring so much about what any girl thinks of you, and give you three ways to put this nonchalant attitude into action…
Why you need to stop caring so much:
Many years ago I heard a quote about relationships that I’ve carried with me to this day, “the one who cares least is the one with the most control in the relationship,” and it’s completely true. The person who “needs” things to work out is automatically in a weaker, needier position. So, at all times remember that you don’t need any particular girl’s affection or attention in order to be happy and fully content. The minute you make your happiness or self-esteem dependent on what another person thinks is the minute you surrender your personal power… And you don’t want to do that!
This is a mistake that many men make when they meet a girl that they really like and want a relationship with. A guy might not care so much what the sloppy bar chick he picks up thinks of him, but the second he meets a classy woman he’ll start getting self-conscious and trying to do everything perfectly to ensure that everything works out the way he wants it to.
There are a couple reasons this is dangerous. First, is the fact that it will stop you from behaving in a naturally attractive way, and second you are reinforcing the internal belief that you need to “play all your cards right” in order to get a high-quality woman. The truth is there is no perfect way to act to attract women, you’ll never be able to play all your cards right, and women are actually attracted to guys who are imperfect and are okay with their own imperfections.
Here are a few ways to stop caring too much and trying so hard:
Many guys worry about what to do when they’re talking to a girl and the conversation pauses. Guys in this situation often feel the need to come up with something cool to say. They think they need a technique to avoid these silences. Instead, just embrace the silence. It is not your job to keep the woman you’re with entertained or keep the conversation flowing perfectly. By allowing the conversation to stop, you show her that you are not needy to maintain this rapport that you built with her, and that comes across as attractive. It also allows your relationship the chance to go to another level. After all you don’t talk constantly to your girlfriend, or a girl that you are you sleeping with. If you are going to end up dating this chick you’re probably going to not talk to her a lot in the future, so let her have a taste of that now.
One of the biggest mistakes men make is failing to express their interest early on out of a fear that doing so will spoil things. In fact, the reverse is true. Not expressing your interest will typically lead a woman to see you as asexual, or not man enough to make a move. So, if you’re interested in a girl don’t try to hide it. Yet, at the same time, keep it casual. Often when guys hear that they can freely express interest they start getting too “handsy” too soon… So just chill, look at her admiringly, give her your attention, ask her out etc.… This will get the point across just fine.
Often a guy will try to agree with the woman about everything that she says in order to show that he has “so much in common” with her. However the fact that you both like chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream and think that Les Miserables was a great play won’t get you laid. Instead, stick to your guns and don’t be afraid to express contrary opinions. Women like guys who have a backbone and are comfortable speaking their minds regardless of what anybody else thinks. Not to mention the fact that after a while it just seems fake and weird that you share all the same opinions as her. So say what you feel and if she strongly disagrees, all the better. Having a playful disagreement is a great way to ratchet up the tension that you will release later… between the sheets.
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About Jake Vandenhoff Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit www.jakevandenhoff.com to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.