Conversation Tricks: Mastering the Moment of Truth
There’s one moment in a conversation that is more important than any other. This one moment is where a woman decides that you’re either just another pathetic ball of insecurity, or that you’re one of “those guys” – those rare men of true confidence. I like to call this moment the “moment of truth”. If you ever feel like you do most of the work in conversations without getting enough back from her, or you always run out of things to say, then this article is for you.
The moment is easy to catch if you know what you’re looking for. It happens during the first “lull” in conversation. You do your masculine job of starting the conversation off and giving a “shove forward”. I usually accomplish by saying “Hey” and asking the girl or girl what they’re up to (I like to keep things simple and use as little effort as possible – two things women find attractive). Of course I’m focusing on the eye contact and body language that gets the best reactions when I approach, and I’m stretching our conversation out as long as possible using different techniques that I teach. We’ll talk about what she’s up to for a bit, she’ll ask me what I’m up to, we’ll have a minute or two of back and forth and a couple laughs… but after a period of time, this bit of our conversation will die – neither of us will have anything left to say about the topic. This is the moment of truth.
Most guys fail the test before another word comes out of their mouth. In this moment, she wants to know whether you’re actually interested in her and coming from a place of genuine confidence, or if you’re just trying to say something funny or interesting to impress her and win her over. Before you even say anything, the second your eyes dart off to some upper corner of your field of vision as you hurriedly scramble for what to say next – that’s when she knows and feels her disappointment set it – “yep, just like all the rest of ‘em”.
When that moment of truth arises, you have what can be some very difficult work to do. For most guys, and I could certainly relate to this, when that first lull in conversation comes and the awkward silence sets in, every muscle in our bodies is screaming for us to fill it. “If I don’t say anything I’ll lose her – she’ll just get bored and leave” is a common fear I hear from a lot of guys. In that moment, five seconds can feel like five minutes. It may take every ounce of your energy not to say something or even try to think of something to say – but you have to stay solid.
Instead of putting all of the pressure on yourself, thinking that you have to be the one who carries the conversation, thinking that you have to win her over by saying the “right” thing – instead, do what ever man of confidence does, and what you do when you don’t really care about the conversation: force her to contribute equally.
A conversation is supposed to be a joint effort. It’s your job as a guy to kick things off, but once you do it’s now her responsibility to carry it forward as well. When that first lull hits the conversation, even though you may be dying to fill it in, it’s now her job to put in some effort. Like I said, if you even look away as if you’re trying to think about something – she’ll shut her mouth and you’ll lose her at that moment. Instead, what you must do to separate yourself from every other guy out there is to simply keep your mouth shut and look at her with an expression on your face that says, “well, I’m waiting”, “I’m interested in hearing what you have to say”.
There’s few feelings I enjoy more than when I leave that pause and she fills it in. I smile as if I’m hearing a chorus of angels. Keep in mind, those pauses can last for a minute, I don’t need to force the conversation forward and doing so will make me appear try-to-hard and needy. I wait, maybe look around and take a sip of my drink, appearing fully comfortable even if I’m dying on the inside. Most of the time, as long as my eye contact and body language have been on, they’ll fill in the silence. If they don’t, then I’m not interested in any woman who can’t hold a conversation – where are your standards?
Sometimes I’ll give girls a second chance and push the conversation forward again, usually with a “so where are you from?”. I also call this “teaching girls how to have a conversation” because sometimes, especially with the younger ones, they’re so used to guys babbling on, trying to impress them that they just haven’t learned how to have a proper conversation yet. The second time around I’ll definitely make my expression a little more patronizing, a little more “come on, it’s your turn to talk”. I’ll sometimes even say “sooo”.
What I’m really doing in this moment of truth is using one of the most powerful emotions known to man: shame. In that moment when you feel awkward and feel like you need to say something to fill in the silence, what you’re really doing is putting that shame on yourself – “I’m doing something wrong, I need to say something because I’m creating an awkward situation”.
Screw that. You did your job, you had the balls to start the conversation. It’s now her turn to show you she’s capable of being interesting and carrying it. It’s time to put the shame on her. Very few men have the confidence to look at her calmly with a look of expectation in those moments when things get the most awkward – but you can handle it, she can’t. In doing so you’ll immediately separate yourself from every other man she meets and force her to think, “wait, who the hell is this guy?” I love that reaction.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.