How to Crash and Burn Like a Man (The Right Way to Handle Rejection)
So Rob and I recently put out a video where we talk about ‘crashing & burning like a man’ and the right way to handle rejection.
In the video, which you can watch above, we analyze two guys who we sat and watched try to pick up a couple girls in a bar.
Now, a student who watched the video recently asked me: “how do you get over the anxiety to even approach a woman in the first place?”
I think a lot of us know fundamentally rejection doesn’t matter. No one is going to point and laugh at you like you dropped your lunch tray in the high cafeteria.
The fact is, even guys like Rob – who is probably the best I’ve ever seen at “cold approaching”, gets shot down quite often.
Its part of the game.
So how do you become more comfortable with it?
You become what I call “un-reactive”.
You don’t react to it.
Anxiety is a reaction.
Its an emotional and chemical reaction.
Your body gets flooded with cortisol (the stress hormone) and that fills you with a “fight or flight” type feeling.
Now here is the thing, the more you experience that rush of cortisol, the more you become accustomed to it.
This why the more you approach women (or do anything you were initially scared of like public speaking or skydiving) the less anxiety you feel the next time you do it.
So if you want to stop feeling anxiety around women you have to talk to them more.
The anxiety with naturally diminish as your body stops flooding your brain with cortisol.
Is there a shortcut?
You can actually trick your body into believing it has gone through a situation more times than it has.
This is what makes “visualizations” so powerful.
Every time you do a deep visualization of an experience your body actually goes through it.
So if you sit there and fully visualize standing in front of an audience of 10,000 people giving a speech… your body will release cortisol.
Your body will feel like it actually gave a speech.
And if you do enough of these visualizations, over time you naturally become more comfortable doing whatever it was you were visualizing.
I learned this “hack” back in college.
Back then I was extremely shy around girls. So I would sit and visualize myself talking to girls over and over again.
And gradually the anxiety completely disappeared.
The same thing happened with sexual performance anxiety. I had a period where every time I went to have sex I’d get performance anxiety and couldn’t “get it up”.
So I spent time visualizing that moment where I’m about to have sex over and over and eventually that anxiety completely disappeared too.
It usually takes about a month of visualizations to start seeing the results.
Now, I also get a lot of questions about how to do these types of visualizations the right way.
A couple years ago I wrote scripts for the various situations that myself and other guys often feel anxiety around.
And then I had a hypnotist professional recorded these “guided visualizations”
If you experience anxiety in any area of your dating life you really should download these and start doing the guided visualization once a day for the next 30 days.
The visualizations are all under ten minutes. And I guarantee if you spend 10 minutes a day doing these at the end of a month you’ll feel MUCH less anxiety.
There are specific visualizations for:
1. Walking around in a new place with a greater sense of confidence
2. Approaching a woman you’re attracted to
3. Being in a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to
4. Keeping your cool when a girl tests you
5. Taking things to a sexual level with a woman
If you haven’t watch our video yet, you can watch it here:
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.