3 Must Have Items for the Aspiring PUA Looking to Improve Body Language, Tonality, and Posture
Books and audio courses can only take you so far in your journey to become better with women. Many of these courses talk about body language, posture, tonality… but don’t give you the tools to truly change yourself.
I admit it. At times I have brutally bad posture… I mumble when I talk, my body language can be closed off and defensive, and I say the words “like” and “you know” way too much.
What makes changes these things so incredibly hard is that very often we don’t even recognize that we’re making such big misteps.
If you go for personal coaching or attend an event such as our Inner Game Retreat, these things are usually addressed and worked on. But most aspiring PUAs doing their training on their own basically ignore these crucial elements.
The greatest opener in the world will fall flat if it is delivered in an unsturdy mumbling tone. Not only that, but before you even open your mouth the girl has already made several judgments about you based on your body language.
If you are determined to improve these areas then you need to learn to be critical of yourself, address and adjust the movements, quirks, and imperfections.
One way to address these issues is to ask friends for feedback. This can work if you have honest friends unafraid of hurting your feelings, but it is necessary that they be extremely detailed in their feedback.
The problem that I’ve always had with receiving this kind of feedback is that without seeing myself make these mistakes I’ve found it hard to know what to do to change.
Over the past 2 years, most of you know that Mike and I do a series of podcasts and radio shows. These have been influential in my realization of areas the I need to improve on. This is because I can listen to myself on tape and hear the tonality imperfections, the use of crutch words like “um” “like” and “you know.”
Truthfully at times it is painful listening to myself on tape. After the first several podcasts I went out and bought the first “must have” item for the aspiring Pua. This item is a voice recorder. If you don’t already own one of these, or own one and are not taking advantage of it, then you’re missing a huge tool in your arsenal.
You should be recording your self in conversation constantly. They are extremely small and can fit in your pocket easily. With the right microphones you can even use them in loud environments like bars and clubs. Having your conversations on tape and going back and listening to them with a critical ear is the first step in improving your delivery. Not only will you find this item important for noticing flaws in your tonality, but you’ll also get to analyze your conversation skills.
I can not stress how much benefit you’ll get out of listening to your self on tape. After you’ve begun to notice the flaws then you can use the recorder to work on them. You can practice talking into the recorder to alter your tonality to the way you want it to sound.
Although a voice recorder is excellent for fixing issue with speech delivery it is of little help for improving body language and posture. Mike recently posted a video from our weekly radio show and I wanted to puke when I watched it. I was in a laid back mood that night and was not at all paying attention to my posture or body language… and it is blatantly obvious.
Watching myself on video was a wake up call that I must constantly be aware of the facial expressions and body language I am portraying to the world. While over the years I’ve practiced these areas quite a bit, and when I’m out sarging I’m usually aware of it, it is easy to fall back into bad habits when you let your guard down.
I know one of the things we’ve got planned for our retreat is to video tape students in their interactions. Later we can play the videos to the students and let them see how other people are perceiving them.
I think a video camera is another must have item for the aspiring pua. Coaches always recommend practing in a mirror, but my problem with that is you’re completely aware what you’re doing when you’re in front of a mirror. The best part about having someone video taping you over a longer period of time is that you get to see how you come across when you stop consciously trying project proper body language. Many times you’ll be shocked at what you see.
I recommend picking up a cheap camera and first having someone video tape you, and once you see what you need to improve you can set the camera on a tripod and practice in your room alone.
The final “must have” item for the aspiring PUA is a journal. Once you begin working on these different areas you need to be documenting and charting your improvement. Once you’ve found a problem area you need to write it down, your steps for improving it, and then you need to go back to the journal constantly and review your progress. This is the only way to lasting change.
If you’re not reviewing your progress on written paper you’ll soon forget and slip back into old habits.
I really believe the combination of recording your self, analyzing your week points, actively working on improvement, and then constantly reviewing your progress will deliver results that you will find astonishing.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.