Why She Stopped Replying To You
Messaging girls is a headache, and sometimes, it can be tough figuring out why she’s stopped replying to you.
A lot of this has to do with the medium of online messaging / texting itself.
But it also has a lot to do with women’s motivations in dating, and basic mistakes when it comes to the decisions you’re making.
Some people can’t be upfront about their feelings towards others. In this instance, she can’t tell you that she doesn’t like you, so instead, she just trying to ignore you until you go away.
It’s a shitty way to behave, but it’s a reality everyone has to face at some point. You’ll know it’s happening because she’ll just vanish from your life.
There’s nothing you can do about it except move on.
Rightly or wrongly, some girls want you to work for it and aren’t going to make the conversation as easy as they could.
They want to know you’re going to chase them.
Many will present arguments in favor of this – it keeps the guy on his toes, it shows he’s interested, it shows he’s persistent – but it’s up to you whether you want to put in the effort.
I personally don’t have a problem with it as long as I eventually start getting a lot of investment in return.
If I don’t, I move on.
Guys aren’t the only ones scared of the opposite sex. Quite a few girls struggle to be the first one to text.
They overthink their messages, think they suck or just straight up fear being ignored.
You’re probably thinking this only applies to the beginning of a conversation, but this can apply to when there have been gaps.
She might want to reply but are stuck over thinking it.
In this instance, you need to take the initiative.
Either your texts are boring, or she’s just feeling too bored to text. The latter has nothing to do with you, but the former does.
Drop her a text when you’re feeling in a funny mood. Don’t try and force it.
Guys do this all the time. Especially me.
I don’t think about what I’m sending, and just shoot off some random closed statement leaving her with nowhere to go.
It’s a mistake. Take this example:
Her: ‘Where are you from?’
Me: ‘I’m from X.’
Her: ‘Where are you from?’
Me: ‘I’m from X. You seem like you’re from Y.’
Note how in the first example she has to put in the work to continue the conversation. All I’ve given her is an answer that she has to develop questions off the back of.
In the second, I did the reverse. I told her where I was from, but I also gave her a statement that generates multiple avenues of conversation in her head and mine.
She’ll both confirm/deny she’s from Y and she’ll also wonder why I thought she was from Y (regardless of whether she is or she isn’t).
Always, always, always think in this way. It makes conversations a thousand times easier.
Another way to think about this is to reframe any question you ask so that it cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
‘Do you like X?’
‘How do you feel about X?’ Or ‘What do you like about X?’
Practice this with everyone you speak to and it’ll become second nature.
Bonus tip – Always talk about feelings.
Everybody is different. Some girls aren’t big texters. They don’t look at their phone as often as others, or maybe they just have better things to do.
Consider that this may be the case before you assume a motive behind her not replying to you.
Remember the last time your friend sent you a gigantic block of text? Remember how your first reaction was ‘urgh’?
Nobody wants to read a wall of text any more than they want to hear you perform a monologue.
Don’t do it.
She’s not a sounding board for your internal ramblings.
Texting is a shallow, superficial, stupid medium for communication. You don’t have body language, tonality, emotional interplay – all you have is words and emojis.
Use the medium properly. Get into deep stuff every now and again, but for the most part, keep it on the superficial, bantering side of things.
I have a technique for escalating it past that but we’ll get to it in a minute.
Sometimes girls get the feeling that they’re coming across too keen. They like a guy, but they don’t want to seem easy or to give him the impression that he’s got it in the bag.
To counter this, they play games. They’ll go from hot (messaging a lot) to cold (messaging never), and pay attention to how the guy reacts.
It’s a power trip, but its also lame and needy behavior.
Personally, I leave as soon as I get a whiff of this, but some guys enjoy it and respond in kind.
Decide if you want to play games and then act accordingly.
The more you speak with a girl, the more some kind of relationship develops between the two of you.
Some girls are afraid of closeness / have issues with intimacy and avoid it for as long as possible.
This is nothing to do with you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Remember how I said earlier in the article how texting is superficial and that I have a technique for countering it and escalating the conversation?
Well, I do.
Stop messaging, stop thinking of what to say / what meme to send and call her.
All the lack of connection, the loss of emotional interplay, the loss of bouncing off each other’s tonality – all of this ‘lack’ is gone, and you’re left with a solid medium to speak to her through.
But not only do you solve all of this, you also stand out from the pack (guys rarely call anymore), you make her feel special (some guy put in the effort to call her), and you’ll have a far, far bigger chance of developing a mutual connection and stronger attraction.
So call her.
Why the hell wouldn’t you?
Then when you’ve chatted to her for a while, shut up and ask her out.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.